I am going to sleep more than 5 hours tonight
and I am not going to feel guilty about it
that’s a lie I already feel guilty about it
now my guilt is going to keep me up
and make me sleep even less
I don’t deserve to sleep that much
you’re falling behind in work carrie
you need to work harder
even if you’re sick and haven’t gotten a decent amount of sleep all week
stop whining about being sick
and go blow your nose 

and when I wake up I’m going to apply to study abroad next semester because it’s what I want to do, and my mom told me I need to think about myself for once instead of trying to make everyone else’s plans happen
stop being so selfish carrie
this is why you don’t deserve to sleep or study abroad or be happy
 now go cry yourself to sleep over how guilty you feel for doing something you want to do for once
and blow your nose
and stop coughing